Work…process and progress?

This post is an introduction to a few future posts to put them into  a personal context.

I realise that most of my posts seem to be about other people’s work, workshops and exhibitions I’ve been to, lectures etc. Rather than my own work…. Also, that when I do post I don’t include a great deal of analysis… certainly not the analysis that goes on in my head when I am working or thinking about work…

I also still use a note book and pencil/ pen to write down all the little bits which float about in my head  and so on…I’m still really interested in the difference between how I write on here ... more a diary but with lots of the most significant things missing maybe…. and my notebook which is where I work through ideas in a different way… (How) and make list of things/ records of important information .. a practical resource in a way that this in not..

There is a difference still for me between the haptic quality of the notebook, smell etc which is not the same as being in my studio but is somewhat similar.

It removes me from ‘ here’ to ‘there’

At the moment I am finding it hard to get  ‘there’ enough.

Especially as this desktop is in my dining room and so has a domestic link which does not help.

My laptop is not as easy to use as this but was good for working when resting in bed and for in the studio ( despite no Broadband in the studio and phone tether dodgy…. must get a booster!)

Anyway , I realised that I have actually been doing a lot but just not writing about it on here.

There are some  reasons for that  ( ie.  I didn’t know what I was doing, I was cautious about some of my investigations and their sensitivity to members of the public)   but some is also about ME!

Its about ME and my tendency to be unwittingly secretive and uncomfortable with sharing information.

If I am doing something which I feel is very important to me and therefore very personal, I keep it to myself.

This is going to sound like some sort of post- therapy revelation but it IS relevant to me and my work and how I show it.

I have discussed briefly with Jonathan in an early tutorial that I often make work which I do not show and that maybe invisible or almost..

I wasn’t sure if this was the nature of the work or because i lacked courage or skill to show it.

Also there has always been the question of audience…..

I love to work with the public and communities and am very happy to do this and share  experience, collaboratively.

BUT I have since childhood, kept other things close to my chest.

The personal stuff, the way I feel about things.

I may act subversively in lots of ways but not that obviously.

WELL, this is now relevant to my work.

One of the things  we are encouraged to do is to answer the question ” Who was I when I made this work?”

A tricky question for me at 58.

I have been so many ‘me’s’!! and some of them have lacked the power to be explicit in my intention.

It is difficult when you don’t realise why you were doing something until after  has been done.

Now, with the work I am doing the issues of ‘secrecy’, non-disclosure,’performance’ of a role in a community are relevant.

Especially as this is not done with any overt intentionality…..???

I am unsure what I truly think and feel and maybe this is what I want to highlight..

The confusion dilemmas, the immediate feelings and the deeper associations and less dominant but still powerful emotions that affect us in conflicting ways when faced with ideologies which we feel antagonistic to but which are displayed in situations which we feel comfortable in and are familiar to us.

I am not making any sense but doing what I said I didn’t do on this Blog!!!! ( Hypocrit)

Just working things through in my head.

This Hypocrisy is important I think…it is a treachery of the self!

Some of the posts I make in the future, as well as the video links, will be Private, until I have worked through some of these issues.

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3 thoughts on “Work…process and progress?

  1. Gosh: there is so much in this post. I think the stand out thing for me is the question about who you were when you made a piece of work as that seems to encompass a lot of related things like intentionality. We are the same age but my inclination is to share just about everything! Very thought provoking.

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    1. Thanks for this Pete.
      Yes I admire your ability to share personal detail…Thinking about this was one of the factors which has made me think about myself and what I don’t do…. Interestingly I am an ‘only’ or single child and was always told that because of that I obviously wasn’t able to share… I think they meant toys and sweets and stuff ( easy to rectify that one!) but actually ‘they’ were right from the point of view of sharing more personal things and opinions.
      Often difficult if you don’t feel part of any group ( sibling??/ tribe??) which has similar views, maybe…anyway, as always happens when we are engaged with our work..there things rise to the surface!
      Thanks again!
      Rhiannon

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  2. Hello.

    I hope you feel more comfortable writing on here as you get to know your audience and I guess in a way learn what you can and want to share to us.

    After all it is still your life and you should get that say.

    I have followed and I am very much looking forward to reading your future posts.

    – Jason

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